Vampires Suck

Product Description Sink your teeth into the Extended Bite Me Edition of the hysterically funny spoof, Vampires Suck--with more outrageous humor and bloody good fun! Becca, an angst-ridden teenager at a new high school, finds herself torn between two supernatural suitors: a moody vampire and an extremely hairy werewolf. From the comedy masterminds who brought you Scary Movie and co-starring Ken Jeong ( The Hangover), this laugh-out-loud comedy will leave you howling for more! Amazon.com If any pop-culture phenomenon ever deserved a send-up, surely it's the Twilight world, with its overheated vampire love and shirtless teenage werewolves. The moment is seized by Vampires Suck, yet another movie parody from the team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the boys behind Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans. As in their previous spoofs, Friedberg and Seltzer string together some jokes around the plot, a few topical references, and a barrage of irrelevant pop-culture allusions (unless you can figure out how Tiger Woods, the Kardashians, and Lady Gaga are relevant to the proceedings). The first couple of Twilight pictures are rapidly condensed, with heroine Becca (Jenn Proske) moving to a rainy town in Washington and meeting the unnaturally pale Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter), whose vampire clan can hardly keep from draining Becca's blood on the spot. Of course there's also wolf-boy Jacob (Chris Riggi), who reminds Becca that he is contractually obligated to take his shirt off and expose his bare chest (his torso here is more elaborate than in the real Twilight movies) every 10 minutes. That joke is an example of how far Vampires Suck is behind its own audience; the movie hits the obvious points, with plenty of dead air in between. A few gags pay off, including Jacob's werewolf clan (shirtless, natch) breaking out into a dance routine to "It's Raining Men." And Jenn Proske, in her film debut, does a lights-out impersonation of Kristen Stewart's trembling Bella from the series, right down to every last downward glance and stutter. It's a performance that deserves a better setting. --Robert Horton